My New Year’s Resolutions (in order of potential accomplishment)
I’ve gotta tell you, I’m really excited about this song. It really came together quite quickly. The lyrics were written in the car in about 15 mins. and the music came together one saturday. Everything was pretty much recorded in the first or second take and BAM! Fart Bomb was born. And the results are massive.
Every once in a while, when you’re snacking on a bag of Cheetos, at the bottom you might find a little nugget of death. I’m not sure what causes these little guys, but they are pure evil. Brownish orange in color and denser than a normal Cheeto, the “Burnt Cheeto” tastes pretty foul. We got two of them in this bag of Cheetos Crunchy.
On a Cheeto related note, I also recently bought a bag of Cheetos Twisted. I thought I was just getting a bag of normal “puffy” Cheetos, and in a way, I did. They had the same consistency as the “puffy” Cheetos, but instead of a curl, they are cork screw shaped. The first one I ate caught me off guard, as I put the whole thing in my mouth, not realizing each one is a good 3-3.5″ long and 1-1.5″ in diameter. I almost choked on the thing. These are big honkers.
Typing this post made me realize how stupid the names “Cheetos Crunchy” and “Cheetos Twisted” are. I guess “Cheetos Puffs” kind of makes sense, but wouldn’t you much rather say “Crunchy Cheetos” or “Twisted Cheetos?”
A lot of people (who shall remain nameless) think God is a stick in the
mud for creating the universe and not taking responsibility for it. Â They
say trite stupid shit like, “I can’t believe in God, because how can I
believe in an all-powerful being that could make such a messed up world.”
101 philosophy may wow her over wine, but I’m not her, nor would I employ
that method of attack to get in her pants. Â Instead I’d tell her, “God is
a stoned teenager, who steals his parent’s car so he can hotrod around
town all the while never knowing the true root of his delinquency. Â He’s
the greatest artist of all time, full of self loathing and directionless
angst. Â I heard he was the 4th member of Nirvana. Â Now show me your
breasts – I love you.”
Let me tell you a little story. It’s called “Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray Soda Sucks Raw Ass.” I saw it in the store and figured I’d try it out. Unfortunately, they only had a six pack, which means I have 5 cans of this crap left over after I got done dumping the first one out.
When I first cracked open the can and smelled it, all I thought of was vinegar. Others backed up my opinion. Its lightly colored like champagne, lightly carbonated, and tastes vaguely like really sweet, really weak ginger ale. Or something. The point is, it’s fucking nasty. I have no idea what this guy is talking about. Of course, his website is called “Peculiar Pops!
The Michie’s Exotic Soda Site,” yet there is not one carbonated drink on “The Best” page.
Steer clear.
Here’s an anthem for you. Its called “School Is For Pussies.” Mike wanted to have a spoken intro with two kids talking about how school sucks. I, on the other hand think novelty talking intros suck, especially on novelty songs. Nothing bugs me more than having to listen to dumb-ass skits over and over again before a song. Needless to say, there is no talking intro.
The other day, we were about to cook some Pillsbury butter flake crescent rolls to complement our dinner, when the recipe on the side of the canister caught my eye. Crescent dogs sounded like a good idea. We had the hot dogs. We had the cheese. Sounds like a winner.
The recipe is simple. Cut the dogs, stuff some cheese in, and wrap them with the crescent roll dough. Two tips:
Thats it. Throw ’em in the oven and you’re finished. I found they needed to be cooked a good deal long than the directions stated so that the bread cooked through. Though if you eat this stuff raw sometimes like we do, its no big deal if they are a little undercooked.
On a side note, I searched the web briefly to see if anyone talks about eating Pillsbury dough raw and all I got were sites about eating cookie dough. The first site is some blog. The post about cookie dough has an interesting comment (3rd one down). I never thought of eating lard…
I really don’t look forward to cleaning the original Chia. I must not let Garfield get to this state.
We all loved it when Wolfenstein 3D came out, followed by Doom 2, finally allowing us to shoot people in 3 dimentions. Such a revolution in gaming has been followed by, well, it hasn’t been followed by anything but the same. The recent “revolutionary” releases of Doom 3, Half Life 2 and Halo 2 have shown us that not a goddam thing has changed in recent gaming except for graphics.
To illustrate my point, here’s an anecdote: Bear and I borrowed Hordak’s Xbox for a couple days just to play the original Halo. I thought to myself, “Oh, cool, with 2 players cooperating, sitting right next to each other, this could lead to really good teamplay.” This image was quickly shattered as the height of teamplay became Bear yelling “GRENADE!”, me fumbling with tunnel vision to find where on the ground he threw it and, a couple seconds later, taking the full blast from under my feet.
This is the frustrating thing about first person shooters, yet it brings up a more fundamental issue about video games and games in general. All games are designed to simulate something and make it “easier” than before. Now, the sense of “easier” here means alot of things, including less expensive, less dangerous, less tiring, quicker or just possible in the first place.
Consider sports for a second. These are physical games that simulate combat to some degree. Boxing, wrestling, rugby and football are more direct in that effect but even badminton and swimming involve physical competition with a declared loser, and losing symbolizes death. Sports as competition invoke physical aspects of parties and declares winners, usually without any necissary harm to anyone involved. This, less dangerous, is one sense of “easier” stated above.
Back to video games, they simulate taking on challenges that no one is ever up to. Shooting guns, flying planes or slaying dragons are all less expensive, easier and, in the case of the dragons, only possible in the first place through video games. Mario and Luigi can jump forward and land a few steps behind. The dude from Grand Theft Auto can steal cars with the press of a button and the player at home really doesn’t get arrested. That’s not to say that everything in a video game is easier than anything in life. It’s that the parallels should be easier. Here’s a checklist for first person shooters and how they compare to real life.
This is exactly what’s wrong with first person shooters. Until this is seriously addressed, there will be no more “revolutionizing” of first person shooters, unless you’re the kind that counts graphical facelifts.
