Tales from Grue’s hard drive

I was going though some old stuff and came across an AIM conversation I had with a member of “Salty the Pocket Knife” – A band that has Screech (aka Dustin Diamond) in it.

Sure, I’m lame, I like Saved by the Bell – but ya’ know what?

Crash and burn motherfucker. Enjoy. (for those of you that don’t know – I’m Freehaiti)

FreeHaiti: Why did you name your band salty the pocket knife?
Saltythepocket: we were high on drugs
FreeHaiti: Good drugs? Or are you just potheads?
Saltythepocket: just kidding
FreeHaiti: ok
FreeHaiti: I wasn't
Saltythepocket: what does the name mean to you?
FreeHaiti: Dumb-assed indie-wannabe shit. And you?
Saltythepocket: selective listeners only. All others move to haiti
FreeHaiti: So are you playing regularly?
Saltythepocket: what do you care
FreeHaiti: No disrespect, I just am not a fan of the name
Saltythepocket: and when did you first hear about us?
FreeHaiti: Honestly, after the VH-1 thing. Like the music, don't care for the name
Saltythepocket: and the second time?
FreeHaiti: Second time?
Saltythepocket: when you heard the name... you knew EXACTLY who it was, right?
Saltythepocket: the second time
Saltythepocket: you heard it
Saltythepocket: you only needed to hear it once
FreeHaiti: Are you trying to suggest that the name is memorable?
Saltythepocket: you never forgot it because it was so Dumb-assed indie-wannabe
Saltythepocket: i am
Saltythepocket: and it is'
Saltythepocket: and you know it
Saltythepocket: thank you
FreeHaiti: Yeah, but I didn't forget that 'Carrot Top' was named 'Carrot Top' either
Saltythepocket: and your point?
Saltythepocket: marketing
Saltythepocket: its all about symbolism and marketing
FreeHaiti: Marketing?????
Saltythepocket: sure
Saltythepocket: we arent on tv
Saltythepocket: so when you hear the name you must remember it
FreeHaiti: Ok so name yourselves something with some semblance of respect
Saltythepocket: it must stand out
Saltythepocket: respect?
Saltythepocket: where does respect fit into this?
Saltythepocket: how is salty the pocketknife disrespectful?
Saltythepocket: what does it mean to you?
FreeHaiti: It isn't. It's just stupid
Saltythepocket: besides your opinion of it
Saltythepocket: whats stupid about it?
FreeHaiti: You guys aren't good enough to have an entirely stupid band name yet
Saltythepocket: explain
Saltythepocket: the beatles?
Saltythepocket: thats not stupid?
Saltythepocket: good enough?
FreeHaiti: It was simple
Saltythepocket: who made you critic of the century?
FreeHaiti: God
Saltythepocket: not likely
FreeHaiti: He spoke to me in a dream
Saltythepocket: he would choose someone with taste at least
Saltythepocket: i think that was an acid trip you were on
FreeHaiti: He said, Salty the Pocketknife is dumb - Go forth and multiply
FreeHaiti: God is pretty cool. He looks like Bruce Campbell
Saltythepocket: dumb enough for you to instant message me?
FreeHaiti: he has a chainsaw for a hand too.
FreeHaiti: God Rocks!!!!
Saltythepocket: you know how they say you have to have bad in order to have good?
Saltythepocket: and that God is all inclusive
FreeHaiti: He told me that everyone on the west coast was gay - even gayer than the British
Saltythepocket: meaning he has both sides
Saltythepocket: i think you landed on the bad side
FreeHaiti: He said he hates the West coast and the British and everyone from Qubec
Saltythepocket: i think you are the pimple on his ass
FreeHaiti: You guys should tour with Warren Zevon - want his phone number?
FreeHaiti: He's my uncle
Saltythepocket: no
Saltythepocket: are you white?
FreeHaiti: Why do you ask?
Saltythepocket: you sound like an angry black man
FreeHaiti: I might be Chuck D....
Saltythepocket: sounds like you dont like white people
FreeHaiti: Or Griff... or Terminator X.... or even Flava Flav
FreeHaiti: I hate Crackers
Saltythepocket: i thought so
FreeHaiti: Especially Saltines.... But I do like Cap'n's Wafers
Saltythepocket: white man bringin you down eh?
Saltythepocket: must be pissed about the whole eminem deal then huh?
FreeHaiti: The white man kicked me out of school
FreeHaiti: Eminem is the new Elvis
Saltythepocket: white man rappin better than the brothas
Saltythepocket: scary
FreeHaiti: He makes being white cool again... Just like Will Smith did...
Saltythepocket: actually ai cant fuckin stand eminem
Saltythepocket: i dont even like typing the assholes name
FreeHaiti: So don't type "the assholes name"
FreeHaiti: Problem solved.
FreeHaiti: Are you white?
Saltythepocket: i am
Saltythepocket: and you?
Saltythepocket: or are you still unsure
FreeHaiti: I am white
FreeHaiti: My third eye is brown.

3 thoughts on “Tales from Grue’s hard drive

  1. Funny stuff Joe.

    I once had a similar convo with The Shock Rock band – http://www.shockrockband.com/

    They stopped chatting with me when I asked them if they would come play a concert for the mentally retarded.

    Your third brown eye line is quite the show stopper. Kudos!

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