I was going though some old stuff and came across an AIM conversation I had with a member of “Salty the Pocket Knife” – A band that has Screech (aka Dustin Diamond) in it.
Sure, I’m lame, I like Saved by the Bell – but ya’ know what?
Crash and burn motherfucker. Enjoy. (for those of you that don’t know – I’m Freehaiti)
FreeHaiti: Why did you name your band salty the pocket knife? Saltythepocket: we were high on drugs FreeHaiti: Good drugs? Or are you just potheads? Saltythepocket: just kidding FreeHaiti: ok FreeHaiti: I wasn't Saltythepocket: what does the name mean to you? FreeHaiti: Dumb-assed indie-wannabe shit. And you? Saltythepocket: selective listeners only. All others move to haiti FreeHaiti: So are you playing regularly? Saltythepocket: what do you care FreeHaiti: No disrespect, I just am not a fan of the name Saltythepocket: and when did you first hear about us? FreeHaiti: Honestly, after the VH-1 thing. Like the music, don't care for the name Saltythepocket: and the second time? FreeHaiti: Second time? Saltythepocket: when you heard the name... you knew EXACTLY who it was, right? Saltythepocket: the second time Saltythepocket: you heard it Saltythepocket: you only needed to hear it once FreeHaiti: Are you trying to suggest that the name is memorable? Saltythepocket: you never forgot it because it was so Dumb-assed indie-wannabe Saltythepocket: i am Saltythepocket: and it is' Saltythepocket: and you know it Saltythepocket: thank you FreeHaiti: Yeah, but I didn't forget that 'Carrot Top' was named 'Carrot Top' either Saltythepocket: and your point? Saltythepocket: marketing Saltythepocket: its all about symbolism and marketing FreeHaiti: Marketing????? Saltythepocket: sure Saltythepocket: we arent on tv Saltythepocket: so when you hear the name you must remember it FreeHaiti: Ok so name yourselves something with some semblance of respect Saltythepocket: it must stand out Saltythepocket: respect? Saltythepocket: where does respect fit into this? Saltythepocket: how is salty the pocketknife disrespectful? Saltythepocket: what does it mean to you? FreeHaiti: It isn't. It's just stupid Saltythepocket: besides your opinion of it Saltythepocket: whats stupid about it? FreeHaiti: You guys aren't good enough to have an entirely stupid band name yet Saltythepocket: explain Saltythepocket: the beatles? Saltythepocket: thats not stupid? Saltythepocket: good enough? FreeHaiti: It was simple Saltythepocket: who made you critic of the century? FreeHaiti: God Saltythepocket: not likely FreeHaiti: He spoke to me in a dream Saltythepocket: he would choose someone with taste at least Saltythepocket: i think that was an acid trip you were on FreeHaiti: He said, Salty the Pocketknife is dumb - Go forth and multiply FreeHaiti: God is pretty cool. He looks like Bruce Campbell Saltythepocket: dumb enough for you to instant message me? FreeHaiti: he has a chainsaw for a hand too. FreeHaiti: God Rocks!!!! Saltythepocket: you know how they say you have to have bad in order to have good? Saltythepocket: and that God is all inclusive FreeHaiti: He told me that everyone on the west coast was gay - even gayer than the British Saltythepocket: meaning he has both sides Saltythepocket: i think you landed on the bad side FreeHaiti: He said he hates the West coast and the British and everyone from Qubec Saltythepocket: i think you are the pimple on his ass FreeHaiti: You guys should tour with Warren Zevon - want his phone number? FreeHaiti: He's my uncle Saltythepocket: no Saltythepocket: are you white? FreeHaiti: Why do you ask? Saltythepocket: you sound like an angry black man FreeHaiti: I might be Chuck D.... Saltythepocket: sounds like you dont like white people FreeHaiti: Or Griff... or Terminator X.... or even Flava Flav FreeHaiti: I hate Crackers Saltythepocket: i thought so FreeHaiti: Especially Saltines.... But I do like Cap'n's Wafers Saltythepocket: white man bringin you down eh? Saltythepocket: must be pissed about the whole eminem deal then huh? FreeHaiti: The white man kicked me out of school FreeHaiti: Eminem is the new Elvis Saltythepocket: white man rappin better than the brothas Saltythepocket: scary FreeHaiti: He makes being white cool again... Just like Will Smith did... Saltythepocket: actually ai cant fuckin stand eminem Saltythepocket: i dont even like typing the assholes name FreeHaiti: So don't type "the assholes name" FreeHaiti: Problem solved. FreeHaiti: Are you white? Saltythepocket: i am Saltythepocket: and you? Saltythepocket: or are you still unsure FreeHaiti: I am white FreeHaiti: My third eye is brown.
3 thoughts on “Tales from Grue’s hard drive”
Bravo (especially on the last joke)!
What is more, it looks like Salty the Pocket Knife is no longer together. I guess you must have convinced ol’ Screech that it was a stupid name after all.
Funny stuff Joe.
I once had a similar convo with The Shock Rock band – http://www.shockrockband.com/
They stopped chatting with me when I asked them if they would come play a concert for the mentally retarded.
Your third brown eye line is quite the show stopper. Kudos!
What a stinging wit.
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