Parental Advisory – This review was written at 2:55 AM. And while the album was being listened to after sitting on the shelf for two months.

A) Classic 80’s techno pop backed by incomprehensible German lyrics.

Examples – Amadeus – I always thought he was singing “Rock me I’m a danish” – as in pastry.

“Der Komissar” – I had an advantage on this one. I had the 45 and copied it on cassette when the record first came out. Later that year, I was living with Guido who, like me, is Italian and German, but being from Europe, spoke both languages, as well as English (ok, close enough on English). He said the lyrics were, “Don’t look over your shoulder, the commissioner is sneaking along the street.” Somehow I think something got altered in translation.

“Vienna Calling” – See A.

“Jungle Roemer” – Snazzy beat, great lyrics, I’ll give it an 83 Dick.

“Jenny” – For some reason I could swear this was used in a song in some movie. But I’m too lazy to look it up. Great “nein zemen freutenzin” whatever at the end. I think it’s about a chick who OD’s.

“America” – Great harmonica intro. Snappy beat. And he didn’t spell it with a “k” so it can’t be too bad..

“Munich Girls” – 80’s techno-pop/rap. Somehow it works.

“Hoch wie nie” – See A. Sounds like a cross between “Safety Dance” and “The Message” with a farty saxaphone thrown in for good measure.

“Macho Macho” – thump, thump, thump, thump. Did I mention, “thump?” The most comprehensible song so far. Very Billy Idol-ish.

“Brillantin’ Brutal’ “ – Reminds me of Boz Skaggs. Remember him? Of course you don’t you front front –sloping foreheaded snoods..

“Zuviel Hitze” – See above. “Na-na-na-na-na-na-na we’re making “veezer shnotz”.

“Helden von Heute” – This was the B-side to the 45 of “Der Komissar.” Unfortunately Guido the German / Italian non-killer pimp never translated it for me. But I know the title means “Today’s Heroes.” And I like it no matter what you think of it. I think it should have been the A-side. Hell, I think it’s the greatest song of the 80’s and I don’t GaFF what you think. My mother threw out the 45. Which is why I’m so maladjusted now.

“Ganz Wien” – I feel an overwhelming urge to do obscene things to cans of tuna fish when I listen to this. With the lids on.

“Maschine brennt” – Weak, but listenable.

“Auf der Flucht” – What’s the German word for “El Stinkamundo?”

“Der Komissar” (Jason Nevins Radio Mix) – if you like Jason Nevins you’ll like it. Otherwise, skip it. Which begs the question, “Who in the hell is Jason Nevins?” Like I care. Right up there with which toe do I pick the jam out of this morning?

All in all, a real greatest hits album by an artist who takes you back to a decade his music represents.

No matter what you think of Falco, his version of “Der Kommissar is the one that defines the 80’s. Not the cover by those no-talents “After the Fire” which got more airplay (at least in the US). RIP Falco.

P.S. It took fifty minutes to listen and write the review. And I only got up to take a piss during the last two songs which should serve as an addendum to this review.