Top 5 Things to do with Soap

After I realized that Boobaah was a Teletubies type show, I seriously debated about changing my #1 made-up cuss word to something like Torp-noodle. It then dawned on me that this might be as pointless of an exercise as writing a massive unread in-joke about a mythical company called Chook for years, only to later debate if the choice of names was in fact the wisest.

Regardless, rather than be a George Lucas or Steven Spielberg-styled-revisionist about my material, I just decided to keep Boobaah as my #1 made-up cuss word and instead do another top five list. Accordingly, I’ve done a “clean” top 5 to the previous “dirty” top five.

Without further ado, here is my top 5 list of things to do with soap (feel free to list your’s):

  1. Wash with it
  2. Use Timmy’s soap
  3. Make soap shavings
  4. Get a rash from using Timmy’s soap
  5. Make up S.O.A.P. acronyms which act as the counterpart to the ever popular made-up cuss word/acronym S.O.D.

8 thoughts on “Top 5 Things to do with Soap

    1. Carve animals out of a block of it.

    2. Kill slugs – Seriously, put a slug in a tub of soapy water and it will die, producing a large quantity of slime (probably mucus) in the process. Then you can sell the slime as a childrens toy product, like when He-man would get coated with slime in that one old playset.

    3. Mark the outlines of your picture on a window before starting a halloween window painting.

    4. Inadvertantly producing splatter art all over the inside of your girlfriend’s room (works best when trying to juggle an open bottle of dish-soap).

    5. Washing out a mouth that’s been used to say cuss-words.

  1. Ever notice how that He-Man slime would make your hands stink? Or was the the Ghostbusters purple slime? I think it was actually the Ghostbusters. The He-Man slime claim to fame was the fact that it really was slimy and was a binch to clean off. That and it got those little hard bits in it…

    1. Breakfast
    2. Phallus carvings for fertility rites
    3. Getting the stink off
    4. Sabotage
    5. Sailboat races. (only works with a soap that floats…)
    1. Finding the gas leak in my copper LP Gas line.
    2. Hidding my illegal drugs (or so I’ve heard)
    3. Two words >>> “Caffeine Soap” The stuff works too!
    4. Masturbation (or so I’ve heard)
    5. To create a fever (retain a wet bar of soap under your arm pit for extended period of time)
  2. My favorite things to do with SOAP.

    1. Put it in a sock and teach Private Pyle we are NOT to be fucked with!
    2. Wash away the horrible shame of existence
    3. LARP the Williams’ classic: ‘Bubbles’ (c. 1982)
    4. Shove it in that bitch’s mouth for lying
    5. Book really shitty third rate bands for field day at Shorebird’s Stadium
  3. Goddamn, I wish we could mod the comments around here. Grue’s comment had me laughing beer out my nose. +1, man.

Comments are closed.