One thing that always bugged me about the magic system in D&D and it’s d20 offspring is the reliance on the same old “spell slots” magic system. Via this system magicians get a certain number of spells per day. The magician fills up the memory slots in his head with spells at the beginning of the day and then casts the spells throughout the day, thus emptying slots which may be filled again after 8 hours of sleep. †

This was a magic system unlike any I had ever read in story or myth at the time†† and the fact that it neither inspired me nor modeled any aspect of the worlds I’d imagined or read about annoyed me to no end.

“Well, why not throw the whole game out the window?” you ask, “There are other RPGs out there with more cohesive magic systems… take Mutants and Masterminds for example, you could use that system to model any sort of power you’d ever want and it’s powers seem intuitively balanced and consistent.”

To this I can only say:

True.

But the nostalgia man. The nostalgia!

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Just thought I’d give you guys an update on our most popular searches. I always get a kick out of these. For the month of August, the most popular search term was “monkey bread” with 88 hits. The second most popular was “bot fly” with 9 hits. There must be some kind of internet fad going on with monkey bread right now; why else would it be generating 10 times the hits of other search terms.

Regardless, the full top 10 in order are:

• monkey bread
• bot fly
• heathcliff
• mandingo
• zucchini bread
• rice bugs
• big bag big bag lyrics
• homemade ant farm
• really free mp3s
• presto pizzazz

Two quick comments on this. First, of the top 10 search terms, 4 concern food (”monkey bread”, “zucchini bread”, “rice bugs”, and “presto pizzazz”¹).

Second, only 2 of the top 10 represent “projects” of ours: “homemade ant farm” and “big bag big bag lyrics.” This of course assumes that the big bag search is referring to our song.

The combination of these two facts leads me to believe that we should retire from our creative efforts and make protozoic.com an online food magazine.

¹ The Presto Pizzazz pizza oven is actually a popular search term and it shows up in various forms. It’s ranking would probably be higher if one counted all the variations.

For many years I have been haunted by a reoccurring dream… beholders doing savage battle with mindflayers. Now, in a unprecedented event, I turn this topic over to the Protozoic forum. I ask you, our faithful readership, who would win? The beholders or the mindflayers? Why would they win? Which faction would win the respect of the umberhulks? Additionally, if a script version of beholders vs mindflayers was proposed to a major motion picture studio, what could be done to ensure that the screenplay was as exciting, if not “more” exciting than Alien vs Predator? Would the beholders fight the mindflayers in a large underground Mayan temple located in Antartica (sort of like Alien vs Predator)? Or would they wage war in downtown D.C.?

The table is now open.

As the revels continue the Freehold gates, their chimeral aspect massive and dwarfing the hall’s celebrants, swing ajar. Their movement though is hesitant, cautious. Not the dramatic slam of pomp and grand entrance, nor the gentle swing they’d grant a welcome but timid visitor. The portal’s timbers seem to question one to the other in silent, wooden speech, “Is this a one to be allowed entry? Truly enough it braves the Silver Ban, but the fall of it’s tread echoes more distantly than that of folk who dwell within, and the rap of it’s knuckles resounds alien upon our planks. Yet it’s intent seems clear…”

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Mr. Pony 
fancy-pants
doin' the Mr. Pony 
sparkle dance
Twirls 
   and 
      Spir-els
for the squealing 
                    girls
Who love 
that stupid pony

Shoney 
Money
Noney

with 
    regal hat 
    Pony-Prance
outta sight 
fat wildcat(s) trance
and ending(s) 
stop beginning(s)
on the giraffe neck(s).

In the crowd
I heard someone say
to a lover of mine
never end
with a clincher.
She died.
I didn't attend her funeral.
I didn't wear black.
I was a cold drift.
I counted waves.
I said alone,
when things end, no one gives applause.