On why a big rip is gradually forming on my side of the bed:
Dragon: I know, maybe the mattresses they installed in this building were manufactured with the assumption that every year a different person will sleep on them and the wear and tear will even out over the whole surface. But since I’ve slept on it in the same direction four years in a row without an egg-crate* it’s getting too much stress in these particular spots.
She Dragon: Or maybe it’s because every year it collects the hopes and dreams of the varied dreamers who sleep upon it. But your dreams are so vapid and shallow that you’re robbing it of it’s essential mana and it’s become weak.
*– Egg-crate: A piece of corrugated foam rubber used to suppliment the cushioning of firmer sleeping surfaces.
I was just kidding. We all know it’s because whereas some people just snore, you have big spikes errupt from your torso in the middle of the night, piercing the fragile blue plastic that so dilligently tries to serve as your sleeping surface.
This, this is why we can’t have higher thread-count sheets.
Maybe it is mice or bed gophers.