WHY I WON’T SEE THE WOLVERINE MOVIE (AND OTHER RANDOM RANTS)

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X-Men 2 stunk.

X-Men 3 stunk on ice.

And I HATE prequels. The legacy of George Lucas and Jar Jar Binks lives on.

Another piece of ammo is the merchandising campaign. One piece of brummagem junk that is being pushed on kids (at $14.99 to $23.99 a pop) is the Wolverine Electronic Battle Claw (wow!). For your hard earned bucks your kid only gets ONE claw. What kid is going to want to be a one-clawed Wolverine?

Bob Dylan’s new album, “Together Through Life” is out. Bob, (or Robert to your mother), you’re a great songwriter but you’ve never been any great shakes as a singer. This album reaffirms that fact.

Lastly, but not least, the series finale of Battlestar Galactica – major disappointment. In my humble opinion the series jumped the shark early in the third season and after the “Planet of the Apes” – style ending of the first half of the fourth season I stopped watching. So I missed the second half of season four except for the series ending. I didn’t miss much. And the finale had more WTF moments than Cylon models. Let’s see, Col. Tigh’s wife was the 12th Cylon, the Colonials go “back to nature”, Baltar walks off scot-free, Starbuck is an angel, and that’s just the beginning of the jackassery.

This has been a public service announcement.

It came from Chook – Africa Edition

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The boys sent me a tape of some prime Chook-era material while I was in Africa. I want to thank them, because it really helped me get through my time there. From my mosquito-infested bed, I listened to the tapes on a cheap walkman with cheap African batteries and imagined myself being back home with the crew, staying up until 5am to make these “creations.” As my 10-year anniversary of shipping off to Africa is coming up soon, I recently digitized, edited and segmented the whole first tape.

There are 3 basic sections: Chook Radio Drama, Larry Sings the Hits, and Mike’s Improv. I’ll post lengths and some comments for the good ones, so you know what you’re getting into.

Chook Radio Drama

Larry and Jim at Home, 11:45
Larry and Lester Break into Orange Julius, 2:37
Larry and Jim visit DC, 11:18
History Lesson from Larry Snow, 2:21 Has some Clinton-era commentary. Trippy to think of how long ago that was.
The Story of Curtis Rufus as read by Mr. Snow, 1:41
At the Office, 0:48
Chook Origins: Larry Snow, 0:42
Please Hold, 2:34 This one is a must-listen.
Making Calls, 3:08 And, you probably want to avoid this one.
Chook News Reel, 5:39 A bunch of Chook radio news broadcasts, chronicling events of the company and of Larry Snow’s misadventures.

There’s also a track of Joe and Mike cold-calling certain media and entertainment organizations as Chook employees to try to make business deals with them. I left that off the site because of possible legality issues, but anyone who wants that can get it from me directly.

Larry Sings the Hits

I’m a Lonely Man, 1:41
Shake Yer Rump, 0:39
Pennywhistle of Doom, 0:26
Beem Doodah Beem Doodah Hoombah Heem, 1:29
Steady Truckin’, 0:39
Mr. Nutcracker, 0:22 This is one of my faves.

Mike’s Improv

No Fudgies, 0:45
It’s a Party, 1:58
Canada, 2:28
Pennywhistle Rap, 0:54
Goblins Eating Noblins, 0:29
Mike Deedlee, 4:11 Random noises from Mike. Tim has a cameo at 3:00.

Torture Porn Disco – Demo

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Que pedo? My sentiments exactly. Hence this tune.

While I’ve labeled this “stab” (bahahahahwhwwa) at music “demo,” in all likelihood there will never be another version of it. The lyrics are probably also totally indecipherable because of my poor recording methods. I can’t imagine there being a great outcry for the lyrics to this song, but in the event there is, they go something like this:

I was dropping mad amounts of ecstasy
hugs, drugs and moonbows to infinity
moving my rump to the laser freak beat
jumping up and down moving both my feet

when all the sudden i saw this disturbing sight
when i saw by the glow stick light
a dude with something in his nose
and i swear it was a toe

and all the sudden it dawned on me
i was at the torture porn disco

The lyrics don’t go exactly like that. I wrote them in a draft email while I was singing them — but at some point during the recording of them just went off on tangents small and large.

And Tim – if you feel so moved, and want to create a specific streaming MP3 directory that would be great. Because there wasn’t one, and I wanted the QT playback options, I posted this in the video directory.

Dragonball: Evolution, I’m siding with creationists on this one…

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Like many other adults by chronological age only, I would really like to see a live action version of this:

But, when I heard that 20th Century Fox Studios was going to try, I didn’t have high expectations. I thought maybe it would suck and yet would still be kind of entertaining.

I was wrong. It sucked and it wasn’t even entertaining.

Continue reading Dragonball: Evolution, I’m siding with creationists on this one… →