Generally, on those occasions when I read something from the Bible my reaction is either, “Hmm, hmm . . . sage words,” or, “What kind of crack were these writers smoking and where can I get some?”

But I stumbled across the following yesterday while leafing through an old copy of The Magnificat given me a few years back, and was pretty impressed with the writing.

Whoever Qoheleth was he sure could paint a picture.

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth,
Before the evil days come
And the years approach of which you will say,
“I have no pleasure in them”;

Before the sun is darkened,
And the light, and the moon, and the stars,
While clouds return after the rain;

When the guardians of the house tremble,
And the strong men are bent,
And the grinders are idle because they are few,
And they who look to the windows grow blind;

When the doors to the street are shut,
And the sound of the mill is low;
When one waits for the chirp of a bird,
But all the daughters of song are suppressed;

And one fears heights,
And perils in the street;
When the almond tree blooms,
And the locust grows sluggish
And the caper berry is without effect,
Because man goes to his lasting home,
And mourners go about the streets;

Before the silver cord is snapped
And the golden bowl is broken,
And the pitcher is shattered at the spring,

And the broken pulley falls into the well,
And the dust returns to the earth as it once was,

And the life breath returns to the God who gave it.

“Vanity of vanities,” says Qoheleth,
“All things are vanity!”

– Ecclesiastes 12:1-8

Apparently this is also the origin of the “silvery cord” image adopted by occult literature and popular role-playing games. Who knew?

In this heartwarming tale of towering scientific minds, feeder mice, garbage pails and fruity booze, Princeton University’s Professor Bob Dumper switches his mind with Señor Franco, the mouse, in an attempt to win all the Nobel Prizes. Professor Dumper’s experiment is successful, but once completed he is unable to switch his and Señor Franco’s minds back. Soon Dumper’s IQ plummets while Señor Franco’s rockets to Algernonian proportions. In an ironic twist, Señor Franco goes on to win the first Nobel Prize ever for Quantum Mouse Theory, while the now mentally deficient Dumper takes to driving a garbage route in Ewing, NJ. Animousities ensue when Señor Franco starts sleeping with Dumper’s wife, Penelope Dumper. When Penelope is killed in a game of William Tell, however, Señor Franco and Dumper’s mutual loss brings them together. The two end up taking Dumper’s garbage truck to California on a wine-tasting, whoring romp.

Pastoral Photocopier

1

I look at that picture of Gary Snyder
Bent down on some trail, in some forest, in some outdoors
And I think
I wonder if Gary Snyder worried about health insurance
Had it
Or if the words were even part of his vocabulary

2

JAM Worried about death
JAM Worried about injuries
JAM Worried about babies
JAM Worried about a clean house
JAM Worried about getting a job
JAM Worried about all the junk
JAM Worried about what to be worried about

3

This is a meta-wasteland without faith
Numbers chart and shift
Meaningless Meaning
Practically Zen
A fractal of calm
Up the down the over
Eating pie
That sure tastes nice.

4

The man in the sweat pants
Chants they’ll need a committee
Lest the great institution crumbles.

5

Faith in photocopiers
That none can fathom
Yet everyone uses
From the bourgeois staff
To the great men of books
All babble at its mystery and bottomless depths
The chairs flounder when they discover charges
Of $16.80 for 112 copies
(The price of pride of all great men)
Call the committee
Bring in the man in sweat pants.

6

I spend 5 days, send various memos back and forth
$16.80 is less than 2 hours wages for me
For picking up a phone
Stamping paper and
Shepherding the oracle

7

It amazes me to think that Kerouac’s Japhy Ryde
Uses email.
I wrote him.
He said he was busy, but he was very polite.

Westminster Choir College
Wednesday, 10/3/07

I was walking by the bookstore yesterday and I saw a display set up for R. A. Salvatore’s new novel, The Orc King, which follows the adventures of Salvatore’s character Drizzt Do’Urden, the drow elf. What caught my eye was the sticker at the bottom of the book. I don’t know how well you can see it in this JPG, but take a gander.

Do you see it? Well, if not then read this blurb about the book taken from Salvatore’s website.

RENTON, Wash.–(BUSINESS WIRE)–For millions of readers, Drizzt Do’Urden has become a lifelong hero and companion. The iconic character, a drow with jet black skin and striking, long white hair, has been revered since his debut 20 years ago in R.A. Salvatore’s classic first novel, The Crystal Shard. Over the course of these years and 16 novels, all of which were New York Times bestsellers, readers have practically grown up with Drizzt as they’ve watched him mature.

That’s right. Drizzt has been around for 20 years. I still can’t believe it.