Letâ€™s face it, whether youâ€™re looking to assemble an elite gang of sexy diamond thieves or just want to start a go-go bar, youâ€™re gonna need personnel: namely, chicks with rap sheets.
Thanks to the wonders of the one-stop, jerk-off shop we call the Internet, your HR problems are now a thing of the past!!
The proceeding hoosegow hotties come to us by way of internet personal ads. Maybe she made a few mistakes in the past, maybe she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, maybe if you ever meet in person sheâ€™ll kill you in your sleep and steal your stuff, but one thing is certain – these lusty ladies need some lovinâ€™!!
Iâ€™ve already taken the liberty of forwarding Thomâ€™s address info to these juicy jailbirds, but I just wanted to make everyone aware so there will be no surprises when we meet the next Mrs. Webb.
Letâ€™s get retardedâ€¦.
Hereâ€™s a fine lilâ€™ philly from sunny California by way of rugged Wyoming. She likes to keep in shape and is looking for â€œsomeone special to grow old together with.â€ She may say she is seeking a woman, but those eyes tell me she needs a good manâ€¦.
Lookout fellas, this hottie will be back on the market in just over a decade!!!
Bonus Her experience with the Oil Rig industry will undoubtedly be in high demand given the state of our great nationâ€™s energy situation.
This high-security honey with the luscious locks is a flower waiting to be plucked. She states, â€œI can be adopted; I have no family,â€ which to me says, â€˜nobody will get in the way of our love.â€™
Now this is what I call a prison personal!
â€œI’m a very outgoing, fun-loving, good girl, with a little bit of a naughty side.â€ (no shit. Maybe the naughty side explains the whole prison thingâ€¦)
â€œI’m extremely spontaneous and always up for new things,â€ so like if the two of you ever go in to Wawa for coffee, and you decide on a whim to rob that bitch, Amber is all kinds of on-board!
Holy crap! This has to be exactly what she looks like now or else she wouldnâ€™t have placed it in her ad. She looks totally kickass for 47. If I had a free hand, Iâ€™d call her up on my cell phone!
OK, this one might be a dude. Thom, I said expressly in my email to her that you were NOT INTO GUYS! (But Bi-curious was not out of the questionâ€¦ ïŠ )
She claims sheâ€™s a chick, and hey Thom, if you find out otherwise â€“ my bad.
I Googled her name, and it turns out she shot her grandmother at point blank range. In her defense, she had already tried to poison her and when that didnâ€™t work, whatâ€™s a girl to do?
I believe that children are our future.
Iâ€™m working off a list. Not 100% sure why this oneâ€™s on here other than the fact that I like the picture.
I think I may have slept with this chick â€“ then she stole my gunâ€¦.
Useless Fact This picture is like the Mona Lisa. Move around and her eyes will follow you.
â€œIf interested, please reflect with me with your words.â€
This one seems pretty straightforward. A middle-aged woman who has fallen on some hard times perhaps?
But the bitch is on Death Row!!!!!
Itâ€™s kind of funny how she is on death row yet she isnâ€™t serving a life sentence. Semantics RAWK!!!!
This little firecracker loves her Sci-Fi Stephen King, and Star Trek. She also is in to comedy and Iâ€™m pretty sure she is big on oral hygiene too.
Sheâ€™s in jail for Murder-2. â€œSourpusses stay away!â€ God fucking help you if you are a sourpussâ€¦â€¦