Let’s face it, whether you’re looking to assemble an elite gang of sexy diamond thieves or just want to start a go-go bar, you’re gonna need personnel: namely, chicks with rap sheets.
Thanks to the wonders of the one-stop, jerk-off shop we call the Internet, your HR problems are now a thing of the past!!
The proceeding hoosegow hotties come to us by way of internet personal ads. Maybe she made a few mistakes in the past, maybe she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, maybe if you ever meet in person she’ll kill you in your sleep and steal your stuff, but one thing is certain – these lusty ladies need some lovin’!!
I’ve already taken the liberty of forwarding Thom’s address info to these juicy jailbirds, but I just wanted to make everyone aware so there will be no surprises when we meet the next Mrs. Webb.
Let’s get retarded….
Andrea
Here’s a fine lil’ philly from sunny California by way of rugged Wyoming. She likes to keep in shape and is looking for “someone special to grow old together with.†She may say she is seeking a woman, but those eyes tell me she needs a good man….
Lookout fellas, this hottie will be back on the market in just over a decade!!!
Bonus Her experience with the Oil Rig industry will undoubtedly be in high demand given the state of our great nation’s energy situation.
Cynthia
This high-security honey with the luscious locks is a flower waiting to be plucked. She states, “I can be adopted; I have no family,†which to me says, ‘nobody will get in the way of our love.’
Amber
Now this is what I call a prison personal!
“I’m a very outgoing, fun-loving, good girl, with a little bit of a naughty side.†(no shit. Maybe the naughty side explains the whole prison thing…)
“I’m extremely spontaneous and always up for new things,†so like if the two of you ever go in to Wawa for coffee, and you decide on a whim to rob that bitch, Amber is all kinds of on-board!
Gail
Holy crap! This has to be exactly what she looks like now or else she wouldn’t have placed it in her ad. She looks totally kickass for 47. If I had a free hand, I’d call her up on my cell phone!
Michon
OK, this one might be a dude. Thom, I said expressly in my email to her that you were NOT INTO GUYS! (But Bi-curious was not out of the question… ïŠ )
She claims she’s a chick, and hey Thom, if you find out otherwise – my bad.
Courtney
I Googled her name, and it turns out she shot her grandmother at point blank range. In her defense, she had already tried to poison her and when that didn’t work, what’s a girl to do?
I believe that children are our future.
Mercedes
I’m working off a list. Not 100% sure why this one’s on here other than the fact that I like the picture.
I think I may have slept with this chick – then she stole my gun….
Useless Fact This picture is like the Mona Lisa. Move around and her eyes will follow you.
Mary
“If interested, please reflect with me with your words.â€
This one seems pretty straightforward. A middle-aged woman who has fallen on some hard times perhaps?
Maybe…
But the bitch is on Death Row!!!!!
It’s kind of funny how she is on death row yet she isn’t serving a life sentence. Semantics RAWK!!!!
and finally………
Sandy
This little firecracker loves her Sci-Fi Stephen King, and Star Trek. She also is in to comedy and I’m pretty sure she is big on oral hygiene too.
She’s in jail for Murder-2. “Sourpusses stay away!†God fucking help you if you are a sourpuss……
Gail would be my pick too, but simply because she’s the only non-smoker in the lot.
Hella mad conjugalz like a mug.
😀
Hmm… I wonder if anybody at Oops and O’Brien knows Andrea.
Thanks Grue. I’ve already got two E-mails from Amber. She is sending me another picture, at my request, so that I can ensure that she really is that “hot”.
You should be a matchmaker!
Ms. Samuels, aka Mary, hired her daughter’s fiancee to kill her husband, then hired another hitman to kill the first hitman. I like a girl who follows through and gets things done! Do you think she’d like to “hire” me for a little “killing”? Seriously, I’m looking to make some money.