From the first moment I saw the splash page I was hooked. And then the story. To sum up, Super-Skrull and Skragg try to drive Mar-Vell nuts by appearing as his defeated, dead enemies. Of course, Captain Marvel (with the aid of his alter-ego, eternal sidekick Rick Jones) beat the baddies at their own game. But this only sets the stage for what was to follow – the high water mark of Captain Marvel.

(As a side note, I love Cap’s expletives. “By the Code of the Kree! By Hala! By the Great Pama!”)

Also around this time, the Mighty Man of Molecules also caught my attention. Megaton Man was a parody of all the Silver Age heroes I grew up with. And he wasn’t afraid of taking shots at the (then) current trends in comics as well, to wit:

Of course he addressed the subject of why no superhero ever rose above the rank of captain:

(Megaton Man 1–10 is now available in a hardcover reprint).

Next time: More Captain Marvel, Megaton Man, and

Unfortunately, I do not have the names of the skater or the bikers, so if any of you see this, or know someone performing in the video, please let me know and I’ll fix the credits.

There can also be an honorable mention list. I’m not sure if this is technically RC or not…

There are three different stocks used in the short, Kodak Vision2 Expression 500T, Kodak Vision3 250D and Fuji Eterna 400T. Admittedly, the tests really weren’t tests because shooting conditions were never consistent. Nonetheless, for interested parties, I do think some of the qualities of each stock are discernible. I would add that there is no color correction, with the exception of the fish/hotdog close-up. Here I bumped up the whites because the shot was slightly underexposed.

Dwarf Fortress is a game about 7 dwarves in a high fantasy setting who leave the comfort of their civilization to pioneer a new dwarven city. With a wagon carrying supplies, like plenty of alcohol to see them through the working day, the dwarves make their way to a new and savage land, carving a fortress into the ground or into the side of a mountain. The player assigns tasks for the dwarves to accomplish, exploring and reacting to the environment. The goal of the game is to gain wealth, attract immigrants and build a massive city while managing to protect it from outside (or inside) forces.

In that sense, it is simply a civilization sim. Where it diverges from the beaten path is its grand scale of complexity. I can’t begin the explain the sandbox feel that comes from this. Right at a game’s start, players will want to juggle tasks such as masonry, carpentry, woodcutting, farming, making crafts from stone, mining, and brewing, just to name the basics. And, rather than being able to say “I want some platinum; you dwarves go find it for me,” the player must be smart and hunt it out him/herself. Are there some igneous layers below? Where will I most likely find a layer of olivine (which is where you’ll find platinum)?

Not only are there the details of hundreds of animals, minerals and vegetables to deal with, but it also simulates individual psyches. Each dwarf has preferences, moods and relationships, which are all in a constant state of flux. A dwarf that sees success, stays busy with work and gets his/her fill of alcohol is bound to be happy, while a dwarf that loses family, pets and long-time friends to tragedy is going to be distraught.

And, it’s a world sim. Before you can start a game, you have to generate a world (which takes at least a few minutes). Hundreds of years of civilizations are procedurally generated as back-story to your game. When your dwarves engrave a mural into the walls of your great hall, it could be of the legendary heroes, kings and monsters unique to your game.

The designers have really done less with more. You might be expecting a huge program. Here’s actually how the game looks:

The game is just 5 megabites large, yet the sheer number of calculations made every second can tax even a decent computer’s CPU from the start. From what I understand, there’s a cap on the number of dwarves, because over 200 and it is just going to run too slow on anyone’s machine.

Now, all that plus the lack of decent graphics might be daunting, and this game is legendary over the internet for having a steep learning curve. I’ve got a few mantras for game design, and Dwarf Fortress definitely lives up to two of them: do more with less and complexity is fine if it’s intuitive. And, it really is rather intuitive. Yes, you’re going to definitely need a start up guide, such as the Your first fortress guide, and will want to constantly reference the Dwarf Fortress wiki. However, it all plays out more or less like you think it should.

Another advantage over normal roguelikes is the usage of more than just the standard keyboard characters. Those Æs you see in the image above are chests. While it might still be confusing for anyone who hasn’t played with ASCII characters, it’s still more graphically representative than most roguelikes.

While the game is perfectly playable right now, it is under heavy development. It will, one day, have decent graphics and a more-intuitive GUI, complete with mouse support. I believe this, because the main developer quit his day job as a math professor at Texas A&M University and now depends on donations from the fan base to support himself. How well do you think this could ever work? It seems to me like he’s making plenty from it.

As long as this post is turning out to be, it doesn’t do half justice to Dwarf Fortress. There’s so much more to be mentioned, including sieges, Adventure and Legends modes, traps, levers, magma-forging, trading and the fact that the game plays out in 3D (you can dig down something like 20 levels).

I was introduced to this game back in late 2006. I decided I didn’t have the time to get into it, but last week I found that it isn’t as confusing or time-consuming as I thought it would be. I’m not saying it won’t take you plenty of time to get rolling, just that you can have your first fort up and running just fine within the first hour while following the guide I mentioned. I don’t know probably half there is to know about the game, but I have survived sieges and built a fortress that is home to over 100 dwarven men, women and children.

Still, no game is very serious. No fort lasts forever and the sandbox appeal to the game means the fun comes from watching the story unfold, not necessarily from winning. There’s a certain philosophy to the game contained in their wiki entry for “fun”: http://dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fun

It’s also multi-platform. However, a keypad is essential. When the game asks for the input of +, — and *, it doesn’t mean the ones on the top row. For the newer MacBooks, you might have to use alternate key bindings.

If you’re still not convinced, give it another couple months, because a big release is on its way, as there hasn’t been a release in over a year.

Looking back on it now, I still can’t figure out why I bought that particular issue of Iron Man. It sure as hell wasn’t the cover. But from the moment I saw the first page I was hooked.

Iron Man was not a big draw for me as far as comic buying habits went. I seem to remember him most from reading a reprint story from Strange Tales when he kicked the crap out of the Crimson Dynamo (the Commie imitation, who, naturally, was no match for Yankee know-how and ingenuity). In an act of mercy, Shell-head let CD escape. After failing his mission, he returned to his rendezvous point with a Soviet sub and they let him drown, stating that failure could not be tolerated. For a kid, that was pretty heavy stuff so maybe that’s why I picked up #55, plus it had a green guy a la The Hulk on the cover.

To cut to the chase, our heroes win, but there was a new cool bad guy with a cool backstory .

Thanos.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I used Iron Man’s line – in modified form – to a politician who has now attained national prominence. Be happy to tell you about it).

And then I chucked Iron Man #55 into my giant box of comics to be re-read over and over again. So many classics in that box that found its way to the dump. I’m sorry, I can’t talk about it. Like talking about Domino.

But this is about the LIFE of Captain Marvel, right?

Once again a cover sold a comic:

The Hulk! Namor! Another Green Guy! How could I go wrong?

And if the splash page doesn’t make you want to tune in for the next installment, ESADMF.

The Closet of Comics was a nondescript little store located in the basement of a building next to a major shebeen on Route 1. Which is probably how I discovered it. I had been out of the comic-reading business since roughly the age of fourteen. By then the callipygian assets of Linda Guadanole had captured my imagination. Anyway in I walked and I was greeted by the proprietor and his large black Lab-mix dog Rhoda. I took a look around and my eyes fell upon the cover of a comic that brought it all back. The Life of Captain Marvel. I mean that’s it. Right there. All in one little package. All the wonder, excitement, and joy of comics came rushing back in an instant.

First things first. MY Captain Marvel is NOT The Big Red Cheese from the Golden Age of Comics. Prior to his more recent resurrection he was one of the more nubilous heroes of the Make Mine Marvel line. I don’t remember seeing him in any other book at the time. The first Captain Marvel comic I bought because I liked the cover. I didn’t know anything about the character or his powers or background. Looking back now, is it possible I bought it because of the similarity of the cover of the first comic book I remember owning? (Captain Action #3) Even though the two books are over a yahren apart. They both have similar graphics and the same artist. As for Captain Marvel #21, it was pretty simple. It had the Incredible Hulk on the cover. Now I know why Kate Gooseneck is on all these magazines in the checkout line.

I forgot about Captain Marvel until I opened the first page of that reprint mag in August 1985 (since comic publishers usually date magazines at least four months ahead who knows when it really was) and saw not my hero of the days in the scrub brush of southern Texas, but…..

Iron Man. That’s right, the Invincible Iron Man (before he became “The Insatiable Money Machine” for Make Mine Marketable).

And that is where we will pick up this little tale next time folks.

I was in Japan recently for work. I stayed in some hot spring resort in a town called Kusatsu. There was an arcade in the hotel that had a bunch of weird games in it. More importantly, it had a Golgo 13 game in it, one I had never seen before.

Golgo 13 was a video game, undoubtably of Japanese origins, that we had for the NES way back in the day. It’s notable for several reasons:

1. It was cool as shit.
2. At one level, when you walked to the left of the start of the board, you could find a pack of smokes. If you smoked them, you got some health back.
3. There was a ‘sex’ scene after you finished one board. This was NES, so the scene consisted of the silhouettes of your character and a female in the window of a high rise. They moved together, the lights went out, and all your health came back.
4. There were some cool sniper-style segments of the game.
5. … … …

Now, you have to remember, this was 1988. I was 9 and my brother was 12, so all of the above makes for a pretty neat game.

The game I played in Japan was a sniper type game. I don’t speak or read Japanese, so I had zero idea what was going on. However, all you had a was a gun, so you would think the game was self explanatory. Not so.

I was presented with a grid of boards to choose from. I shot the fourth one, chosen at random. A scene with rocky terrain shows up. Guys start popping up from behind the rocks, shooting at you, so I shot them back. I managed to get all of them but one before the time ran out.

I was given my score (pretty good) and a new board to select. So I chose the 3rd one. This time there were 3 people standing in the woods, dressed in civilian clothes, all with their backs to me. Nobody was threatening me, so I didn’t shoot anyone.

… … …

Then time ran out on the board. Nothing ever happened, but apparently I didn’t mow down the man I was supposed to, so I got a big fat zero, but I was allowed to continue.

Next, I chose board two. This time, there was the side of a brick building with regularly spaced windows. Cross hairs went around one window and I think the word ‘target’ popped up. The screen zoomed into a window; I think it was the same window as the one that was just highlighted, but maybe I am mistaken on that point. Anyway, there was a guy sitting at a desk, so I shot him in the head. This clearly was a sniper job, and I assumed that’s what you were supposed to do. Apparently not. I scored zero here too and at this point, was not allowed to continue.

So there you go. It was kind of a fun 3 minutes. I had to skip a lot of the cut scenes because they were all in Japanese. They probably would have told me what was going on and what I was supposed to do. Oh well.

So “Magic Eye” pictures (a.k.a. autostereograms) are those 3D images that you have to stare at a book to get. A few folks can see the images really quickly, some can only see them after staring awhile, and apparently there are quite a few who are never able to see the things.

It’s kind of an interesting effect though if you can get it to work: Hiding information in the background noise in such a way that when you are able to interpret it you can trick each eye into interpreting it differently.

I think one of the things that makes it tough to pick out the 3D image is that there are no obvious visual cues. It seems to me that in a lot of cases with normal vision the human brain is picking out the edges of things, or contrasts and gradations of solid colors that define shape. But those things are absent in autostereograms, so it’s tougher to pick them out.

It occurred to me though that what would happen if you ran together a string of similar autosterograms to produce an animation? The consistency of the 3D image against a changing background might make it easier to spot the image than with a non-animated version.

Voila! I’ve just invented 3D animation without special glasses!

Well, not quite. Apparently someone else already thought of it.

I don’t know if the image portrayed on wikipedia is exactly the best example though. ‘Twer it me, I probably would’ve made the background as a more randomized image (like basic static), rather than a sweeping colored pattern which seems to distract from the 3D image.

Aside from the wikipedia article though I’m having trouble tracking down other good examples of animated autostereograms. Seems to me there should be some small creative sector devoted to them though: Cartoons maybe. Or segments of horror film where a random background (foliage or TV static for instance), kind of becomes 3D and leaps out at the viewer. Or possibly some sort of video game.

I also wonder if there might be ways to color the 3D objects, or have the background pattern be somehow meaningful in the context of the 3D scene it’s self, rather than just the standard splatter painting effect.

Another picture from our childhood.

Recently, I searched via images.Google and found the image I created for that post multiple times in the first two pages of results.

http://50stories.blogspot.com/2009/03/top-ten-nes-video-games.html

http://ironmanchangedmylife.com/blog/?p=68

That’s cool. You can tell it’s exactly mine because it was, in fact, a composite of several screen caps that I did a shitty job of throwing together with GIMP. You can even see the same error two bricks above the left window’s left side in all of those images.

With a little more searching, I was more surprised to find the image appearing on sites vastly more popular than some dudes’ shitty blogspot pages.

http://www.gamespot.com/pages/unions/read_article.php?topic_id=26599878&union_id=16742

http://www.screwattack.com/node/27737

http://www.doubleviking.com/10-tantrum-inducing-terribly-annoying-8-bit-nes-enemies-10075-p.html Notice how doubleviking fucks up and calls the Ironknuckle a Darknut.

So, here’s a somewhat fixed version of the previous image. Let’s see how many times we can see this one appear in cyberspace.

P.S. lol @ these people who think Zelda 2 is a genuinely difficult game.

This ball-and-chain wielding, knife-spraying thug in a horned helmet is the protagonist of the Black Tiger arcade game.

This game stuck in my imagination for years, along with Gauntlet (and some unidentified game mentioned later) in defining what a sword and sorcery videogame should include. It has always been an icon of nostalgia for me. I think the only thing necessary to make this picture complete would be Benjamin Bird (the local arcade god) carrying a tube full of quarters on a lanyard.

My hat is off the guys at Everyvideogame.com who helped track down the title based on my sketchy description. Imagine my surprise and delight to find it available free online!

Playing it again (now with unlimited quarters to fuel my sorry gaming skills) Black Tiger still lives up to my expectations. Gameplay is a treat, the graphics are nice (though some of the upper levels seem to have glitches), the backdrops are evocative, there hidden treasures to plunder, and sweet looking weapon upgrades to purchase.

But I think most of all I love the monsters. There are a pretty wide selection, but a couple I’ve always loved include:

Betentacled, poisonous, chomping mandrakes that spiral up out of the ground at you.

And hulking, flame-spewing, cycloptic mummies.

At this point there’s only one other beloved arcade game of yore I’ve never been able to track down. Anyone able to find a game fitting this description would certainly earn my gratitude:

IIRC the character was a little guy with a sword. I think each level would begin with the hero falling down a shaft into a dungeon. At different points in the dungeon you could climb up using ropes. There are only three things I can remember about the monsters:

• One type of the standard wandering monsters resembled a disembodied eyeball, cut of steak, or paramecium which would bounce down the corridor toward you.
• I think there were several bosses that were dragons.
• Some of the bosses (or maybe not bosses, just opponents to be overcome?) consisted of swarms of something. Like I seem to recall one where you entered a room you couldn’t climb out of and there was a magician who would send a swarm of flying brooms or pixies or magic wands or something to attack you. But maybe I’m not remembering this accurately.

Apparently a M.U.L.E. remake is under way. In addition to an online version it seems there may be even iPhone version as well.

More here.

Sorry in advance if this is old news.

nanobees

If anyone prepares any of this stuff, please take photos or make a video.

Click here to read more.

From Mike’s Desk

This comic may not make any sense. It is actually a continuation of the other M.I.F.C. comics these many months later. For the truly interested parties, just click on the MIFC tag below and you can read the other comics. Eventually, if Joe and I finish the story line, I’ll post all the comics together in some sort of compendium.

The Salisbury Strangler from annie huntington on Vimeo.

This garlic bread had the most disgusting amount of garlic butter on it. This is post oven; there was so much that it didn’t melt totally.

A: Because he went to Rupee Tuesday.

It was piece of shit.

It had a dial that went from 1 to 7 for toasting strength. 1 through 6.5 did all about the same thing—didn’t really toast your item. Turning it to 7 burned the shit out of it.

So, on to this new toaster. It’s a Black and Decker Infrawave toaster, model ST9999. For some reason it has an LCD screen and push buttons. It’d be nice if it had a dial instead, but I’m not going to argue. Anyway, it toasts pretty fast. Like under a minute for the settings I’ve used so far. So what gives?

Well for one, the little tag attached to the toaster had some humorous text. “Speed Toasting… Toast at the Speed of Light™” Seriously. At the speed of light? And it’s trademarked. Now, notice the toaster is marketed under the Infrawave moniker. As in infrared waves or infrared radiation. Which is a form of electromagnetic radiation, with a slightly longer wavelength than light, also a form of electromagnetic radiation.

Ok, so that is technically correct. The toaster does use infrared radiation in part to toast things. Which can be classified as light. So you are toasting at the speed of light if you want to think of it that way. But so does every other fucking toaster on the face of the earth. That’s how they work. You run a bunch of current through the heating element, it heats up resistively until it glows red hot. When something glows red hot, it gives off a lot of infrared radiation. That heats things. So does the fact that the heating element is fucking hot; that can heat up the air which then heats up the toast, but most of the heating is radiant, i.e. infrared radiation heating the toast directly. I don’t know for sure, but the heating element probably gets up to 1000–1500 °F. That’s hot.

As I said, this toaster does toast pretty fast. After using it a couple times, I noticed it lit up my kitchen. This thing is pretty serious. So maybe there is something to the marketing. In any case, it’s a hell of a lot better than the $6 toaster Mike and I bought. I just hope it doesn’t burn down my kitchen…

This is some shit. I bought a Burger King milk shake the other day on the PA turnpike. I got a medium. It was fucking enormous of course. So big they didn’t give me a regular straw for it. I got a straw so big it had it’s own branding. The BK Pipe™. Apparently the product of “Have it your way technology.”

Basically, this is a great slice of entertainment to put on at the office while you are taking lunch today.

Wesband is a modification of The Battle for Wesnoth that I’ve been making. It is a dungeon-crawler, loosely based on ZAngband, but with features unique to the genre.

Wesnoth is a mutli-platform, open source, turn-based strategy (TBS), fantasy game. Originally made as a single player game, Wesnoth has expanded its mod-ability to the point of allowing multiple players to play co-op in a continuous series of scenarios. Wesband makes use of the newest modding functionality that Wesnoth has to offer.

The result is a strategy-intense, dungeon crawling game that can be played just as well by a single player as it can by up to 3 players. Multiplayer dungeon-crawlers, though rare, aren’t unheard-of (and none that I know of do it very well). But, I would say Wesband’s biggest boon to the genre is the complete transparency of gameplay. How many times in Nethack have characters died because they couldn’t hit the damn grid bug? Many aspects of dungeon-crawler gameplay are left to intuition (or imagination), which can be horribly wrong. Instead, in Wesband, if you select a unit to attack another unit, you know the odds of hitting, being hit and how much damage can possibly be done by both sides.

I’m wondering how well someone who hasn’t played Wesnoth before will handle Wesband. The gameplay is fundamentally different in some parts, but many of the same paradigms remain. Here are a few things to note:

• ranged attacks don’t reach any further than melee attacks. In Wesnoth, hexes are possibly miles across.

• the terrain you stand on dictates your chance to be hit, unless a unit has a special ability that raises its chance to hit.

• resistance (or lack thereof) to one of the six damage types determines how much damage is done on a successful hit. hitting “d” while hovering over a unit will bring that up for non-player characters.

• Zone of Control (ZoC) is what every non-level 0 unit has on any adjacent hex. This means units will end their movement if they reach one of those hexes. Units with the Skirmisher ability ignore ZoC.

• attacking puts your remaining moves to 0, barring some special abilities.

• Wesnoth employs a time of day system that isn’t really present in Wesband, as it takes place underground. Therefore, the lawful, neutral and chaotic notes on a unit don’t mean much (for now).

Beyond that, to work with Wesband, all you have to do is remember to right-click around the place to see what other actions are available. Also, it’s safest to only have the first player use the stairs. That’s a bug I’m working out at the moment.

I’m posting this on Protozoic because we just reached version 0.2.0. This means the combat system is pretty much completed. Next on the list are magic spells, items, weapons and armor. However, the game is fully playable right now.

Wesnoth can be downloaded at wesnoth.org (be sure to get the stable version). Wesband can then be downloaded from the add-ons menu. Open up Wesnoth, click the “add-ons” button, and then download “Wesband.” To start playing Wesband, hit the “Multiplayer” button (even if single player), and (if going solo) choose “local game”, select Wesband under “map to play”, then hit “OK.” Choose the number of players (set “Local Player” to “Empty” for unused slots), hit “I’m Ready” and then you’re good to go.

I’ve know for some time about the film, and am sure back in the early 90’s, when Thom was making me watch Mark Goldblatt’s version of Punisher (1989), starring Dolph Lundgren, and Captain America (1990), directed by Albert Pyun, I would have also been made to sit through the 1994 version of Fantastic Four, directed by Oley Sassone.

In looking around for Corman films on the Internet Archive this afternoon, I discovered one could actually watch the film in its entirety there.

Thom, I know it isn’t the 90s any longer, but I fully expect you to watch this entire film and write and in depth review.

Jimmy writes:

I had to make a little money because the “aquarium” had a crack in it. Contact me ASAP about the TV. This is not a pyramid scheme!

Jimmy writes:

This is my Subaru Baja ride. I had to take a trip to pick up an “aquarium” I bought off Craigslist. I had to leave Boonsboro and move to Ohio, but had to drive to back to MD to pick up the “aquarium.”

Friends from melodic insomniac on Vimeo.

Parental Advisory – This review was written at 2:55 AM. And while the album was being listened to after sitting on the shelf for two months.

A) Classic 80’s techno pop backed by incomprehensible German lyrics.

Examples – Amadeus – I always thought he was singing “Rock me I’m a danish” – as in pastry.

“Der Komissar” – I had an advantage on this one. I had the 45 and copied it on cassette when the record first came out. Later that year, I was living with Guido who, like me, is Italian and German, but being from Europe, spoke both languages, as well as English (ok, close enough on English). He said the lyrics were, “Don’t look over your shoulder, the commissioner is sneaking along the street.” Somehow I think something got altered in translation.

“Vienna Calling” – See A.

“Jungle Roemer” – Snazzy beat, great lyrics, I’ll give it an 83 Dick.

“Jenny” – For some reason I could swear this was used in a song in some movie. But I’m too lazy to look it up. Great “nein zemen freutenzin” whatever at the end. I think it’s about a chick who OD’s.

“America” – Great harmonica intro. Snappy beat. And he didn’t spell it with a “k” so it can’t be too bad..

“Munich Girls” – 80’s techno-pop/rap. Somehow it works.

“Hoch wie nie” – See A. Sounds like a cross between “Safety Dance” and “The Message” with a farty saxaphone thrown in for good measure.

“Macho Macho” – thump, thump, thump, thump. Did I mention, “thump?” The most comprehensible song so far. Very Billy Idol-ish.

“Brillantin’ Brutal’ “ – Reminds me of Boz Skaggs. Remember him? Of course you don’t you front front –sloping foreheaded snoods..

“Zuviel Hitze” – See above. “Na-na-na-na-na-na-na we’re making “veezer shnotz”.

“Helden von Heute” – This was the B-side to the 45 of “Der Komissar.” Unfortunately Guido the German / Italian non-killer pimp never translated it for me. But I know the title means “Today’s Heroes.” And I like it no matter what you think of it. I think it should have been the A-side. Hell, I think it’s the greatest song of the 80’s and I don’t GaFF what you think. My mother threw out the 45. Which is why I’m so maladjusted now.

“Ganz Wien” – I feel an overwhelming urge to do obscene things to cans of tuna fish when I listen to this. With the lids on.

“Maschine brennt” – Weak, but listenable.

“Auf der Flucht” – What’s the German word for “El Stinkamundo?”

“Der Komissar” (Jason Nevins Radio Mix) – if you like Jason Nevins you’ll like it. Otherwise, skip it. Which begs the question, “Who in the hell is Jason Nevins?” Like I care. Right up there with which toe do I pick the jam out of this morning?

All in all, a real greatest hits album by an artist who takes you back to a decade his music represents.

No matter what you think of Falco, his version of “Der Kommissar is the one that defines the 80’s. Not the cover by those no-talents “After the Fire” which got more airplay (at least in the US). RIP Falco.

P.S. It took fifty minutes to listen and write the review. And I only got up to take a piss during the last two songs which should serve as an addendum to this review.

I’m still working to get posted videos iPhone compliant. This one is not, but as soon as I solve the compression equation, I’ll re-upload the video so the iPhone users out there can DL and watch the videos.

Watch Dirty Pair — 01.avi in Anime  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Thom there is a iPhone version of the video. The aspect ratio is screwed up though. Don’t know why. TIM RESPOND.

Prior to the shooting of the bear, the neighbors were concerned that it might get Max, my mom’s dog, and have a little Max snax.

Here are some pictures.

This is the bear print. I think there are also some dog prints in the picture.

This is my mother’s foot next to the bear paw print.

This is Max and I snoozing unaware of the bear danger.

There’s a not-so-new cartoon gracing the glass teat on Cartoon Network. “Batman: The Brave and The Bold” is based on the old comic book of the same name. The Caped Crusader teams up with a different hero from the DC universe each week to fight for the forces of goodness and niceness. The tone is a lot lighter than the Batman animated series of the 90’s and the Justice League ‘toons of the early 21st but it doesn’t venture into jackassery. The teaser features Batman and another hero in an unrelated takedown of a villain before the main adventure. The heroes and villains are generally depicted in their Golden / Silver Age representations. You won’t see any of the biggies (no Superman here folks) which I find refreshing. The guest good guys and baddies have included Green Arrow, Plastic Man, Etrigan, Adam Strange, Kammandi, the Golden Age Flash, Gentleman Ghost, Scarecrow, Black Manta, Gorilla Grodd, and Babyface. The only drawback is the Blue Beetle who makes several appearances in the role of “teenage sidekick.” The animation is good, the stories clever, and Batman’s wit is dry as a martini. Check your local listings.

I went to the store after Easter to buy some sale stuff. This is what I ended up with. I already ate one bag; this one is going to Mike at some point. They are pretty gross. Jelly beans with a hard Nerd coating.

Nerds has had some dubious spinoffs in the past, but I think this is the worst. Mike used to talk about Nerds gum balls. And I’ll never forgive my mom for not buying me Nerds cereal when I was younger.

– Mike

Jim Carrey is a Divorced man who is now an Episcopalian priest. He has an estranged son from his previous marriage. The son has a Dog named Lou.

One day Jim Carrey and his son go to an amusement park as they attempt to keep up their relationship — a relationship that at best can be described as acrimonious.

The duo and the dog (or Lou) all go on the roller coaster and after going through a tunnel emerge in a world circa1965. The dog can now talk too — he serves as comic relief as he burps and farts his way through this gripping drama. While my comedy handbooks suggest that bodily humor can sometimes alienate certain audiences, rarely has this humor been attached to an animal which have consistently been proven to be box office draws (Benji, C.H.O.M.P.S., Marley and Me, etc.).

Jim Carrey realizes that he can give a better life to his son by having him invest in Microsoft and telling him who to bet on in the Kentucky Derby (Jim Carry the priest was a big-time horse gambler — that is what cost him his marriage) but his son does not like to gamble as he is a devout Episcopalian. (Making the son a Muslim instead of an Episcopalian is another consideration. This could be seen as PC move and broaden our appeal in certain circles.)

Trouble ensues and the elder dad dies. The son bets all of his money on the horse “Proud Clarion” and makes a bunch of money in the Kentucky Derby. The son acknowledges that his father was right, and vows to be just like him when he grows up….

Fast Forward to modern days. The son has grown up and looks just like Jim Carrey. He also has an estranged relationship with his own son. The two decide to go on a roller coaster together…..

The dog winks. And farts.

The movie is called Father Time.

Kettle Kittens III — Song 1 Demo

Kettle Kittens III — Song 2 Demo

At this point I’m leaning a little more towards 2… not sure how those bees are feeling in 1.

Tim — let me know if you want to lay down SOME BASS.

X-Men 3 stunk on ice.

And I HATE prequels. The legacy of George Lucas and Jar Jar Binks lives on.

Another piece of ammo is the merchandising campaign. One piece of brummagem junk that is being pushed on kids (at $14.99 to $23.99 a pop) is the Wolverine Electronic Battle Claw (wow!). For your hard earned bucks your kid only gets ONE claw. What kid is going to want to be a one-clawed Wolverine?

Bob Dylan’s new album, “Together Through Life” is out. Bob, (or Robert to your mother), you’re a great songwriter but you’ve never been any great shakes as a singer. This album reaffirms that fact.

Lastly, but not least, the series finale of Battlestar Galactica – major disappointment. In my humble opinion the series jumped the shark early in the third season and after the “Planet of the Apes” – style ending of the first half of the fourth season I stopped watching. So I missed the second half of season four except for the series ending. I didn’t miss much. And the finale had more WTF moments than Cylon models. Let’s see, Col. Tigh’s wife was the 12th Cylon, the Colonials go “back to nature”, Baltar walks off scot-free, Starbuck is an angel, and that’s just the beginning of the jackassery.

This has been a public service announcement.

There are 3 basic sections: Chook Radio Drama, Larry Sings the Hits, and Mike’s Improv. I’ll post lengths and some comments for the good ones, so you know what you’re getting into.

Chook Radio Drama

Larry and Jim at Home, 11:45
Larry and Lester Break into Orange Julius, 2:37
Larry and Jim visit DC, 11:18
History Lesson from Larry Snow, 2:21 Has some Clinton-era commentary. Trippy to think of how long ago that was.
The Story of Curtis Rufus as read by Mr. Snow, 1:41
At the Office, 0:48
Chook Origins: Larry Snow, 0:42
Please Hold, 2:34 This one is a must-listen.
Making Calls, 3:08 And, you probably want to avoid this one.
Chook News Reel, 5:39 A bunch of Chook radio news broadcasts, chronicling events of the company and of Larry Snow’s misadventures.

There’s also a track of Joe and Mike cold-calling certain media and entertainment organizations as Chook employees to try to make business deals with them. I left that off the site because of possible legality issues, but anyone who wants that can get it from me directly.

Larry Sings the Hits

I’m a Lonely Man, 1:41
Shake Yer Rump, 0:39
Pennywhistle of Doom, 0:26
Beem Doodah Beem Doodah Hoombah Heem, 1:29
Steady Truckin’, 0:39
Mr. Nutcracker, 0:22 This is one of my faves.

Mike’s Improv

No Fudgies, 0:45
It’s a Party, 1:58
Canada, 2:28
Pennywhistle Rap, 0:54
Goblins Eating Noblins, 0:29
Mike Deedlee, 4:11 Random noises from Mike. Tim has a cameo at 3:00.

While I’ve labeled this “stab” (bahahahahwhwwa) at music “demo,” in all likelihood there will never be another version of it. The lyrics are probably also totally indecipherable because of my poor recording methods. I can’t imagine there being a great outcry for the lyrics to this song, but in the event there is, they go something like this:

I was dropping mad amounts of ecstasy
hugs, drugs and moonbows to infinity
moving my rump to the laser freak beat
jumping up and down moving both my feet

when all the sudden i saw this disturbing sight
when i saw by the glow stick light
a dude with something in his nose
and i swear it was a toe

and all the sudden it dawned on me
i was at the torture porn disco

The lyrics don’t go exactly like that. I wrote them in a draft email while I was singing them — but at some point during the recording of them just went off on tangents small and large.

And Tim — if you feel so moved, and want to create a specific streaming MP3 directory that would be great. Because there wasn’t one, and I wanted the QT playback options, I posted this in the video directory.

But, when I heard that 20th Century Fox Studios was going to try, I didn’t have high expectations. I thought maybe it would suck and yet would still be kind of entertaining.

I was wrong. It sucked and it wasn’t even entertaining.

As far as what they did right: –The Earth in the movie wasn’t quite our Earth, but more of what it is in Dragonball. While there were no humanoid-animals or dinosaurs, there were cities with sci-fi technology juxtaposed next to bronze-age villages. I’m surprised they went so far as to include this. –Many of the characters’ visuals were pretty good. I think Goku, Chi-Chi and Bulma were all spot on, especially Bulma, as Emmy Rossom’s eyes already look cartoonish. –They started with Dragonball material, rather than trying to jump straight to Dragonball Z. –Chow Yun Fat’s Muten Roshi was pretty good considering his character’s look was the furthest away from the source out of any in the film. Ironic, really.

That’s about all the positive parts I can recall.

I want to say the worst thing about the movie was the characters, but that gets bumped to number two when put against the script. I don’t mean the plot part of the script, but the actual words on the page. The lines were cheesy and felt like a 4th-grader wrote them. I feel bad for the actors, because you know they put what they had into this, but there was nothing to work with. It made me wish I didn’t understand English and was actually reading Engrish subtitles, because then there would be an excuse for poor wording. Lines like Goku’s, “I just need to believe in myself,” were as embarassing to watch as they were wrong for the character.

As noted, the characters were extremely F’ed up. This is bad because that’s the most important thing. I would have rather the storyline be nearly completely changed as long as the characters were roughly the same. In many places, the characters were the exact opposite of what they should be. Goku, a character who in the original storyline is probably not even literate, is in high school? He is shy around girls and gets bullied by the popular kids? Chi-chi is more of a fighter than Yamcha (who uses guns??)? Even with these characters being so far from the source, they didn’t bother to flesh out the changed versions of the characters.

Here is what should have at least been entertaining, but wasn’t: the fighting. Goku vs. Muten Roshi was OK, as was the comedic Goku vs Mai fight. But, Goku vs Picollo was a huge let-down, ending after one punch and a ki attack. You have to at least let the main character get knocked around a little bit before making a comeback. The wire-fighting aspect was annoying too. Goku vs Gohan had them standing on clotheslines ala Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon? Nothing like this ever saw its way into Dragonball. The characters either flew or they didn’t, not any of this Hong Kong, halfway in between bullshit.

I wish I was just nitpicking here. If I were nitpicking I would complain about a healing Kamehameha wave (that’s what Senzu beans are for), King Picollo not looking old and not having real antennae, Shenlong looking horrible, Oozaru form being half as large as it should have been, Oozaru form not looking like an ape, how “defeating” Oozaru went all wrong as Goku should have fought Picollo in that form and then Picollo would have to figure out how to change him back, etc. If these details were just wrong, like Goku not having a tail, that would be OK, but they’re not wrong as much as they’re bad.

As for a sequel, the actors all signed on for two more movies. It cost $50 million to make DB:E, which isn’t much. Compare this to the Super Mario Brothers movie that no one saw, which cost $48 mil to make. Dragonball: Evolution has made half that back in Asia theatres alone, so I’m fairly certain it will turn a small profit, unlike Super Mario Brothers which couldn’t recoup half. I really hope they will stop here and then someone else will come back in 10 years to try again, kind of like what happened with the Hulk movies. Barring that, I hope the producers, writers, and directors get a clue between now and the next start of filming.

My name is Cliff Woodman. My current occupation is as a web designer and technology coordinator for Chook Industries. I also do a lot of web design and graphic design on the side. I graduated from University of Maryland, College Park in 1991. I met up with Larry Snow in the mid 90’s, and he offered me a job with his new company. As I was bored of my job at the time, a computer programming job, I decided to take a chance. It turned out to be one of the best moves I had ever taken.

My interests include reading science fiction, especially old school science fiction. My favorite author is A.E. van Vogt. I also enjoy watching a good anime every now and again. Other hobbies of mine include playing guitar and drawing. I do enjoy a few computer games, mainly the old classics. My all-time favorite game is Wasteland.

I am currently unmarried and live with my dog, Herbert von Wilhelm.

For interested parties, Megan will be posting the video on Melodic Insomniac also. She’ll probably have some different comments on it than I.

Update: Robot Holocaust is also on Hulu. Somewhere I’m not surprised that Howard the Duck made it on, which I actually really like. I watched it on VHS last night, and if I had of known it was on Hulu then, I would have watched it there. Robot Holocaust, however, is horrific, which means that if one were to factor the movie into those same pedestrian standards of poor which frequently rank Howard the Duck as atrocious, it could cause one’s head to explode or at least bring about the Robot Holocaust. It does have a nice title though and I like to pretend it was filmed at Sandy Hook even though it was filmed elsewhere.

Marshall McLuhan said, “The medium is the message.” If that’s true, in the case of Watchmen the message should be, “stick to your medium.” Because if you haven’t read the book, don’t waste your time. If you’re reading this I’m not going to belabor the backstories of the graphic novel and the movie directed by Zack Snyder. In the event of an emergency the oxygen masks will deploy from the overhead compartments. And Awaaay We Go!

First the good. The visual effects are probably the best literal translation of the comic book panel since the “ZOK!” superimposed over the fight scenes in the 1966 Batman TV series.

Second the bad. The acting is atrocious. Defendant number one, Malin Akerman. I’ve seen particleboard with more emotive ability. There is a scene of coitus superherois between Akerman and Owl Man (Patrick Wilson) in the Owlmobile that I think is the sole reason Akerman was hired. And Wilson displays all the depth and range of paint drying. Mathew Goode, the anti-hero hero is right up there with gypsum board. The rest of the cast is burdened by makeup that they cannot overcome with their limited abilities (acting, not superhero).

Next the ugly. The absolutely gratuitous, pointless violence with compound fractures and blood squirting captured in glorious slow-mo close-ups a la The Matrix to inspire the next generation of Gary Ridgeways whose parents are too lazy or too damn dumb to know that an R rated movie like this is inappropriate for kids under 18. (It really should have been rated NC-17, not R). And did we REALLY have to see multiple shots of Dr. Manhattan’s MIRV?

Now the blasphemous. They changed the ending – and it was better!

Finally the point. Watchmen was a originally drawn and written as a graphic novel and is a master of that medium known as “panel art” to the Upper West Side (Dr.) Manhattan crowd and “comic book” to the Great Unwashed. While individual scenes and sequences may have been translated literally (or as best as possible) to the moving image, it is simply impossible to take an art form which is a stationary medium and translate ALL of it literally to the moving screen without the result resembling Rorshach’s ever-changing blobular mask. – in other words a confused, incoherent mess.

The bottom line. Contrary to the fanboys, film students, and critics, Watchmen is NOT another Battleship Potemkin (let alone Star Wars). However it is NOT League of Extraordinary Gentlemen either. It is an interesting failure. Should you spend your hard earned $7.50? Only if you can see it in a theater with five other people like I did. Wait for the dvd. The theatrical version, not the “special director’s nine millionth edit” release they are planning. Cuz crap with a cherry on top is still crap. But it’s not TOTAL diarrhea. Confused? So am I. Said the joker to the thief.

• Picture not to scale.

As someone who grew up fantasizing of having a grand adventure like The Goonies had, visiting Haystack Rock was probably the closest thing I’ve had to having a religious experience.

EDIT: Oh, and here is the photo gallery of our road trip.

Brian and Buff got me this for my birthday. I assume that Brian was the driving force here. Thanks. It looks good in front of my door.

It doesn’t show up great in the picture, but it’s sparkly. That’s what the white dots are around the “ding dong.”

For interested parties, Tim has some production stills from the shoot that can be viewed here.

Hope you enjoy the film.

Recently I read three short stories. Although written by two different authors more than twenty years apart, they shared one common theme: Jack the Ripper. Unlike David Berkowitz, Eileen Wuornos, and Gary Ridgeway, Jack the Ripper was never caught and so he did not lose his infamous moniker like the others. Which is probably why the man who brutally murdered women in London over a century ago remains so fascinating for us. Gary Ridgeway’s crimes were more horrific, at least in numbers of victims, but does anyone believe that 120 years from now, he will be the subject of a horror fiction story? Jack the Ripper’s anonymity allows writers a canvas upon which to paint suspense, fear, and nauseating horror.

And that’s exactly what writers Robert Bloch and Harlan Ellison have done with their trio of stories, “Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper”, “A Toy for Juliette”, and “The Prowler in the City at the Edge of the World.” Bloch wrote the first story for Weird Tales in 1943 and adapted it for the TV series Thriller and Star Trek. He wrote the second for Ellison’s 1967 anthology Dangerous Visions.

At the time, Dangerous Visions was heralded as revolutionary and in retrospect, it was. Written at the height of the “new wave” movement in speculative fiction that sought to move the genre from space opera and the stigma of second rate offal to mainstream literary art, Dangerous Visions contained stories from established masters like Bloch and Philip K. Dick to then-beginners Roger Zelanzy and Samuel R. Delaney. In fact, Ellison encouraged his contributors to break their own rules and submit stories that could not be printed in the science fiction magazines of the day. As for the stories themselves, Bloch’s are the first two acts in this three-act play. They are well written and original and the basis for Ellison’s which is the best. But be warned, “Prowler” is NOT for the faint of heart. There are passages that can literally be stomach-churning although they are probably tame to a generation raised on CSI.

You can find “Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper” in The Dark Descent edited by David G. Hartwell. Dangerous Visions can usually be found for a reasonable price on eBay or in a good used bookstore. The last two stories can also be found in the July, 1968 issue of Adam magazine. One other note: Ellison recommends reading “Toy” and “Prowler” as one continuous bloc with their introductions and afterwards. Elias recommends reading all three stories seriatim sans intros and afterwards. Read them first, then go back and read them per Ellison and you’ll see why.

You can view it by clicking here.

Part of I Can’t Wait to Hear Your Excuse appears in Can. However, Can also includes the acting talents of Jon Gillis as well as an original score by lyricist, composer and librettist Frumi Cohen, who has produced and directed over 20 musicals since 1979.

While you’re on the MiND site, be sure to check out their other content. They’ve got a lot of really great and informative stuff that is sure to blow your mind (couldn’t help myself on that one).

Click here to watch Can.

She got this fortune.

I got this one.

No joke, homeslice.

<

pre> From: Thom Subject: picture Date: February 16, 2009 3:51:13 PM EST To: Mike

<

pre> OK — wait, …before you read this go get something to eat. Go! Now… take a break and grab something. The story has a much better affect if you are in the middle of eating your favorite food!

About 10 years ago I was working at a agency serving adults with developmental disabilities and I 
was dating a nurse.  I had brought this picture into work and after showing it to my nurse girlfriend I 
placed it up on my cork board where the picture hung for over a year.  My office was well traveled 
and received a lot of traffic from other employees passing by to ask for my guidance.  Many of them 
would comment on the photo and say "what is that a picture of?" Some would even guess --- "it's a 
star or plant".  So I would just smile and say "close guess...  but I can't say".  No one ever guessed 
correctly, mind you it did present itself a little differently when you print it out on a sheet of paper 
and originally it was only the bottom photo that was posted for everyone to see.  So you ask, what is 
this wonderful photo?  Well, this is the infamous "Jeep Butt"  (Pilonidal Cyct) that I was diagnosed 
with in 1998.  I was having problems and when it first started I didn't want to go see the doctor as I 
was embarrassed and hopeful it would heal.  My newly acquired nurse girlfriend wanted me to drop 
trou so she could see and tell me the outlook on my bum.  I refused but told her I'd take a picture of 
my ass and bring it to work.  These two pictures are the result - furthermore she made an accurate 
diagnosis on the spot by just looking at the pictures.  I have no idea how she guessed correctly 
because the picture is so out of focus and the bump looks like a pimple to me.  Anyhow, only her and 
I knew the true identity of the printed picture.

Yum. Hope you were eating steak tartar like me. Read more about the pilonidal cyst here.

• Editors Note: Thom and I were slightly confused as to whether or not the phrase for yanking one’s pants down was “drop trou” or “drop trout.” I think it’s fish.

I bought three color filters for my camera. A red one, a green one, and a blue one. I then took three black and white photos, one with each filter, scanned the negatives, and combined them in photoshop. After aligning them, I colored them the appropriate color and ended up with the above picture.

Kind of nerdy, completely inefficient, but kind of fun.